Walking up next in line, Fletchinder and Eevee glanced at the two pokemon in front of them uneasily. “Hey… aren’t you the one who st-“Įspurr set a bag of poke on the stall counter. “I don’t normally sell to kids,” he said, clearing his throat once more.
They were barely tall enough to see over the counter. “First customer of the day! Welcome to th-oh.” He glanced over the stall counter, down at Espurr and Tricky. “Oh! Ha…” Kecleon quickly cleared his throat, discreetly setting a wayward jar of peachberries back on the stall shelves. He opened the shutters of his stall and quickly looked out the front window to see who was ringing it. He had just finished putting everything on the shelves when the bell placed just outside his stall rang. So early in the morning, Kecleon hadn’t even properly set up shop yet. The word was also used in the beginnings of two consecutive paragraphs ("There was suddenly a loud thump! in the distance" and "Suddenly, Audino saw the silhouette of a small pokemon running straight in her direction through the fog") which comes off as a little repetitive. This is usually a word that has the opposite effect than intended when it comes to prose - if something is said to be sudden, it works like a forewarning in a way, which in itself makes the event seem much less sudden. This looks like a pretty good guide so I recommend a look at it.Īnother is the usage of "sudden" or "suddenly".
Rescue team evil genius level 34 glitch full#
While I never fully understood semicolons, they seem strangely used here and in places, incorrect, as some clauses they linked weren't full but more like fragments, and I believe that's only valid when using lists where the items contain commas themselves.
On the subject of prose, I noticed some things that hinder the story a little. Not having the shock of the bodily transformation come fully right at the start also feels like it's a little more subversive. I think this is a good call, as most readers will know the gist of it going in already due to it being in every game (as far as I recall) and a lot of the fanfics. So I notice that the classic PMD introduction is quite short. I was initially planning to read both the prologue and the first chapter, but the day turned out hectic and the prologue turned out to be longer than expected. Hello! I'm here because of Review Roulette.
0 kommentar(er)
